Happy New Year... In September!

I have decided to recommit myself and take this blog in a new direction. I am commiting to adding a new recipe weekly, and I am going to also share about my weight loss journey. I think that having a venue to be brutally honest about my weight loss will help me to reach my goal. I am going to give this blog one year, I also want to reach my goal weight in one year as well. It is going to be very, very hard considering how much I have to lose, but I think that having a focused goal in mind will be a great thing.

So, in honor of this new commitment to honesty, I am going to do something I would never even dream of doing in the past. My weight has always been a taboo subject for me. I will "discuss" but I would never truly tell ANYONE how I truly feel about it. I am going to share the truth about my situation.... So here goes...

I am 26 years old and as of 5/13/09 I was 126.6 pounds overweight. Now, 16 weeks later, I have lost 19.2 pounds with the help of Weight Watchers. I wish I could blame pregnancy for my weight gain, but I can't. I only gained 2 pounds with my son. In fact, the day I joined WW I weighed .4 pounds less than the day I was induced. I have failed epically in my weigh loss since I was 10 when I hit puberty and started gaining weight. Throughout Jr. High and High School I was overweight but was not obese. In college I gained a little but not nearly as much as after I met my husband. Since then I have been on and off Weight Watchers... gaining 30 pounds each time I quit. When it comes down to it, I am extremely ashamed of what I have become.

Since having my son I have struggled greatly with my appearance. I had a C-Section and have ended up with a lot of extra skin and have been very upset by the fact that I have hit the point that even when I do reach my goal weight I will not look "normal" without surgery. This isn't going to stop me, but I do fear it. It is very hard to feel encouraged to lose weight when you don't have an image of yourself to harken back to, I fear that I am not going to like what I look like thin (I know this is a stupid fear, but it is a FEAR).

This is what I am certain of: I am certain that this is the last time I will weigh this much and I am certain that this is the time that I am going to reach my goal. The puzzle pieces that I need to succeed are finally fitting together. I have found a meeting that I love and people in the meeting that are supportive of my success. I have a husband who is there to encourage me through this, and friends that have always loved me no matter what my size. And I have the greatest inspiration of all... my little boy. I don't want him to struggle like I have struggled and I don't want him to see me this way. I want to look back at his toddlerhood and be proud to show him the pictures of us together, rather than hide them away in shame.

So there. That is as honest and real as I can be. Now time to move forward. As Dolly Parton says "Better Get to Livin'..."

-Aimee